Funny :)

Whenever someone asks me to recommend a movie, I suddenly forget every movie ever made.

My study period = 15 minutes. My break time = 3 hours. 

Making unnecessary sounds when you are bored. 

I open a text and mentally respond then forget to actually respond. 

I hope karma slaps you in the face before I do.

Why is that cotton candy talking? Grandma, that's Nicki Minaj.

People say everything happens for a reason. So when I punch you in the face, remember I have a reason.

The One Who Laughs Last Is The Slowest. The One Who Laughs First Has The Dirtiest Mind.

Open Books, Not Legs. Blow Minds, Not Guys.

I Keep Seeing All These Summer Bucket Lists With All This Exciting Stuff. Meanwhile, Mine Is Just Like, Find A Shortcut To The Fridge.

If My Mom Can't Find It, Nobody Can Find It.

Best Gamer Pick Up Line: "You Turn My Software Into Hardware."

Friends are like boobs, some are big, some are small, some are real and some are fake.

I Saw A Sign That Almost Made Me Piss Myself. It Said, "Bathrooms Closed!"

I Have Good News And Bad News To Tell You. The Bad News? I Have No Good News. And The Good News? I Have No Bad News.

Do You Want To Go Out With Me? (A) Yes (B) A (C) B.

Once Upon A Time I Smashed My Face Into My Keyboard And Accidentally Wrote The 5th Twilight Book.

Imagine Having A Teacher Named Alejandro, And Whenever He Calls On You, Just Be Like, "Don't Call My Name, Don't Call My Name, Alejandro."

F.E.A.R = Face Everything And Recover Or Forget Everything And Run!

I'm A Type Of Person Who Laughs At A Joke 3 Times. 1st When It's Told, 2nd When It's Explained To Me, And 3rd When I Finally Get It!

You Don't Know Something? Google It. You Don't Know Someone? Facebook It. You Can't Find Something? Mom!

I Hate It When I Have So Many Tabs Open, And One Of Them Starts Playing A Talking Ad That I Can't Find It.

I Like Your Makeup. Just Kidding. It Looks Like You Got Gangbanged By Crayola.

THE BIGGEST LIE EVER TOLD; Was When The Doctor Walked In To Mrs. Bieber's Hospital Room And Said, "Congratulations, It's A Boy"

Dear Optimist, Pessimist, And Realist. While You Guys Were Arguing About The Cup Of Water. I Drank It. - The Opportunist

3 Things That Should Never Be Broken; (1) A Heart (2) A Promise And (3) A Condom :D :D

There Is Only 1 Perfect Wife In The World. .Every Husband Thinks The Neighbour Has Her!!

If You Agree With A Woman When She's Wrong, Congratulations On Being Right And Wrong At The Same Time

My Girlfriend Asked Me For Another Word For Incorrect. Of Course, My Answer Was Wrong :P

I Think That Every Horoscope Should Read Like This: "Your Day Is Already A Failure...You Rely On Horoscopes

So We Can Send Men To The Moon, But We Can't Get A Button That Let's Us Edit A Typo On A Post After Its Been Sent O.O

Why Do Women Close Their Eyes During Sex? They Can't Stand Seeing A Man Have A Good Time!

Why Must The Phrase, "It Is None Of My Business" Always Be Followed By, "But"?

Pretending To Think Hard... When Your Teacher Is Looking At You.

Sex Without Protection Is Magic. Why? Because The Baby Appears, And The Father Disappears.

They Say When U Marry Someone, You Are Also Marrying Their Family. That's What I Told My Wife When She Caught Me In Bed With Her Sister :P

If You Can't Change "A" Girl, Don't Worry Just Change "THE" Girl. :P


The Secrets Of Happy Marriage: Tools,Internet Options,Clear History,Delete Files.

What Is The Similarity Between Wifi & Wife ? Neighbors Have An Eye On Both Of Them!!

Do I Look Like A CALENDAR?........ Coz Everyone Ask Me For A DATE!

My Plan Is Forgive And Forget, Forgive Myself For Being Stupid And Forget You Ever Existed

Best Example Of Business Faliure-----------A Pregnent Prostitute..

Girls Are Always Misunderstood By Boys....Because Of Their Makeup :D

Thepenisinmymouth .. . . .. . . . . . . . . Did You Read The Pen Is In My Mouth? Lol Dirty Mind!

The Best Way To End A Status Conversation On Facebook Is To Like Their Last Comment.

Can You Please Tell Your Boobs To Stop Looking At My Eyes :D

Want Your Most Favorite Song To Be Your Least Favorite Song, Then Make It Your Alarm Tone

Only LOVE Can Remove- Misunderstanding Worries ... Doubts Fear Tears & CLOTHES :P :P

Life Without U Is Impossible. U R In My Breath And Blood. I Can`T Spend A Sec Without You. If U Left Me, I`Ll Die.I Love You Dear, Oxygen.

Advice To All Girls -- Don't Apply Too Much Make-Up On Your Face....You Don't Know Where Boys Look First..!!! :P

Boy's FB Status: 'Online During Class' Comment From His Teacher: 'Turn To Page 75' ;)

Mixed Emotion: When Your Enemy Falls From The 7th Floor On Your Brand New Ferrari And You Don't Know Whether To Laugh Or Cry! :P

A Stage That Surely Comes In Everybody's Life - Where Should I Go? To The Right Where Nothing Is Left Or To The Left Where Nothing Is Right?

When You Wait For Your Food In The Restaurant Aren't You The 'Waiter'? :P
Signboard On Highway : Mr. Late Is Better Than Late Mr.

Mom Says "Alcohol Is Your Enemy"... Jesus Says "Love Your Enemy" :D

Sentence Written On The T-SHIRT Of A Beautiful Girl Walking On Side Of The Road "U R Not Looking At The Road Right Now.. Be Careful"

SIT & STUDY..The Above Stunts R Performed By Trained Professionals Under Controlled Environments. DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME. BE SAFE.

Don't Trust Money, It Gives Bed But Not Sleep.It Gives Books But Not Mind, It Gives Luxuries But Not Happiness. So Transfer It To My Account

Friends Are Like B**BS. Some Are Big, Some Are Small, Some Are REAL, & Some Are Fake.

You Can Never Say Exactly WHAT IS ON YOUR MIND If Your Family Members Are On Your Friend-List.

Whn Some1 Touches U & U Don't Feel It,Its IGNORANCE. Whn Some1 Touches U & U Feels It,Its LOVE.Whn No1 Touches U & U Feel It, Its ALLERGY :)

When I Was A Little Kid I Used To Say "A B C D E F G H I J K ELEMENO

Silence Doesn't Always Mean YES. Sometimes, Silence Means LOADING. 

If A Girl Cries, There May Be Thousand Reasons. But If A Boy Cries, There Is Only One Reason: “GIRL”

I'm Afraid Of 3 Things: Women, Snakes, And The Police. They All Have The Ability To Hurt Me And Make It Look Like It Was My Fault. 

The Best Prank Call Ever: "Hello KFC?" - " Yes, How Can I Help You Sir?" . . . . " I Want Mcdonald's Number!!!

Having A Wife Is Part Of Living" But Maintaining A Girlfriend Along With Your Wife Is The "ART OF LIVING"

Everyone Wears Left Shoe At The Last.. Don't Agree With It? ...- - - Proof: When We Wear 1 Shoe, The Other 1 Is Left..

Dad : Son, What Do You Want For Your Birthday? Son : Not Much Dad, Just A Radio With A Sports Car Around It

When Ever You Are Criticized,Don't Get Upset. Always Remember This.... No Stones Are Thrown On A Fruitless Tree.

I'm Jealous Of My Parents, I'll Never Have A Kid As Cool As Theirs :) 

A Nice Line Written Below A Clock In A Examination Hall By A Professor.. ,,, 'Time Will Pass, But Will U ?'

Some People Come Into Our Lives & Leave Footprint On Our Heart.Others Come Into Our Lives & Make Us Want To Leave Fingerprint On Their Face.

Diff B/W Ignorance & Self Control. When U C D Mirror, U Don't Laugh That's 
IGNORANCE When I Look At U,I Also Dont Laugh That's SELF CONTROL.

A BOY On DATE In BMW Car-I Hide Something From U. GF:What? "I'm Already Married & Hv A Child." GF: U Scared Me! I Thought The BMW Is Not Urs

Q.What Did The Left Nut Say To The Right Nut? A. Don't Talk To The Guy In The Middle... He's A D*Ck!

It's Better To Bunk A Class Than To Miss A Party With Frnds. Bcoz 2day When I Look Back. Marks Never Make Me Smile. But Memories Do 

When I Was Younger I Used To Take My Mum Or Dad's Phone To Play Snake ,, We All Did :P

Make Your Girlfriend Happy By Telling Those 3 Words Every Women Loves To Hear " Here's My Wallet"

Yesterday My Girlfriend Came At My Home. She Was Crying And Said To Me Please Consol Me So I Hit Playstation On Her Head.

I'm Tired Of Chasing My Dreams, I'm Just Going To Ask Them Where Their Going And Meet Them There Later.

A Lady Changed Her #FB Status To "I Got My Period".. 50 Guys Commented "Thank God" And 25 Liked Her Update

Dad: Stop Watching PORN.. I Can Hear The Sound From Inside Room!! Son: No I'm Not, I'm Watching Sharapova Playing Tennis 

Mom: Son, Can You Please Clean The Fish I Bought From The Market? Son: WTF?! Mom: What Does WTF Mean? Son: Where’s The Fish?! 

A Girl Was Towelling Her Wet Pussy. She Enjoyed It & Started Rubbing It Vigoursly Until D Pussy Cried MEOW & Ran Away

If The World Doesnt End On Dec 21st, 2012, Then There'll Be A Lots Of Babies Born On Sep 20th, 2013!

If I Were To Make A Dictionary. CUTE=You - SWEET=You - BEAUTIFUL=You - SEXY=You - GORGEOUS=You - LIAR=Me! 

Teacher: Make A Sentence Using Neither-Nor. Boy: When Girls Wear Tight Fitting Dresses, Neither They Are Comfortable Nor We.

Boys Say ''It's Great'', Boys Say ''It's Fine'', But Nine Months Later They Say ''It's Not Mine''!!.


Husband, Throwing Knives On Wife's Photo & Missing The Target. Sudenly He Recvd A Call Frm His Wife: Hi, What R U Doing? He Repld "MISSIN U"

My Mom Thinks "LOL" Means "Lots Of Love". She Texted Me, "Your Grandma Had Just Died. LOL"

When A Girl Cancels A Date Its Because She Has To. When A Guy Cancels A Date Its Because He Has TWO!

America Is A Country Where Half The Money Is Spent In Buying Food And The Other Half Is Spent To Loose Weight! 

Forget Your Ex. Because No One Wants To Read Yesterdays Newspaper Again.

My Girlfriend And I Were Happy For EIGHTEEN Years. Then We Met.

I Told My Wife That, "I Need More Space." So She Locked Me Outside

Why Is That When There Are Two Girls In A Profile Pic The Hot One Is Always Someone Else?

I Recently Applied For Work At A Mirror Shop. I Hope I Get It. I Can Really See Myself Working There.

Wife Pulls Her Husband,Who’s Fully Drunk, To Bed & Tries Removing His Shirt & Husband Replies- LADY, LEAVE ME ALONE, I AM Married

Amy Winehouse, Kurt Cobain, Jimmi Hendrix, Ian Curtis, Jim Morrison, All Died At 27. Justin Bieber Turns 27 In 2021. Just Be Patient.

Breaking News: Idea To Launch 3G Condoms To Control Population Growth

When I Fight For Love People Call It Rape...

Roses Are Red. Violets Are Blue. Faces Like Yours Belong In The Zoo. Don’t Be Mad, I’ll Be There Too. Not In The Cage But Laughing At You

Sometimes, My Secretary Reminds Me Of My Wife.I Was Unbuttoning Her Shirt During Our Lunch Break When She Says, "Remember, You Have A Wife."

 Every Mother Thinks That Their Child Is The Most Beautiful, But Only My Mum Is Right!

I'm Jealous Of My Parents... I'll Never Have A Kid As Cool As Theirs! `

Deleting Your Facebook Is The New Regaining Your Dignity.

I Don't Understand How Super Mario Can Smash Blocks With His Head But Dies When He Touches A Turtle. Wtf

Is Your Life Boring? Yes? Then Type 'I Love <Ur Bf/Gf Name>' And Send It To All Your Relatives! Your Life Won't Be Boring Anymore! :P 

Your Password Is Incorrect”; I Changed All My Password To ‘Incorrect’, So My Computer Just Tells Me When I Forget.....JK

Win A BLACKBERRY, A CAR, Or A HOUSE In DUBAI...Use A Sharp Object To Scratch Here▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒​  Please Do This Now.
 When Aryabhatta Was Checking My Answer Paper.......................................He Invented 'ZERO' ;-)

Studying Is As Easy As Walking In A Park And That Park Is Like Jurassic Park!

Great People Talk About Ideas. Average People Talk About Things. Small People Talk About Others. Legends Don't Talk, They Blog! ;) :P

So How Many Of You Are Planning To Ditch Facebook For Google Plus :P

A Woodcutter Was Passing By A Forest And Suddenly He Saw A Bunch Of Girls Following Him. The Axe Effect! ;)

Employee To Manager : If You Don't Increase My Salary Then I'll Tell The Whole Office That You Have Increased My Salary! :P

Definition Of A Human Being: A Creature That Cuts Trees,Makes Paper & Writes "Save Trees" On The Same Paper.

1 Month Before The Exam We Study From National Author's Book. 1 Day Before,Local Author Book. Exam Day,Do Hell With Others , I AM THE AUTHOR

"No Comment" Is A Comment. Lols

Money & Women.They're Two Of The Strongest Things In The World.The Things U Do For A Woman U Wouldn't Do For Anything Else.Same With Money.

I Wish My Parents Were Like Google. They Should Understand Me Even Before I Complete.

Before You Criticize Someone,Walk A Mile In His Shoes.That Way,You're A Mile Away And You Have The Shoes.

Exam Paper Is Like A Dick, When Its Hard, People Get Fucked.!

My Girl And I Always Joke Around. She'll Ask "What Were You Doing?", Then We'll Both Laugh And Then I Go Make Sure I Cleared My Web History

Dog: Why Do U Hide When Having Sex? Cat: Cause We Don't Want Humans To Copy Our Style, They've Already Copied Yours.

Daughter: M In Love With Neighbor, So M Running Away With Him. Dad- Thank Dear, U Saved Money & Time Both. Dad M Reading Dis Letter Left By Mom

Guy: Do U Lyk Me? Gal:No(Guy Got Sad) Gal: Y R U Sad? Guy: Coz U Dnt Lyk Me. Gal:U Nvr Askd If I Luv U. Guy:Aww!Do U Luv Me? Gal: LOL NO!!

Dear Facebook, Don't Show That Much Attitude! You Can't Even Signup Without Me !!! ... Yours Sincerely, Msn, G Mail N Yahoo.. =D

WTF Generation... Wikipedia Twitter Facebook

The Only Difference Between Government And Thieves Is, One Of Them Does It Legally;)))

INSULT & WIFE Are Somewhat Similar....They Always Look Good...IF IT IS NOT YOURS... :P

'I Have Read And Agree To Terms And Conditions' Should Be Called As "I Didn't Read But I Want To Access This Shit.

I'm So Good At Sleeping, I Can Do It With My Eyes Closed.

Being Told That Someone Doesn't Wanna Love U Coz Ur A Good Friend Is Like Being Told That U Didn't Get D Job Coz Ur Highly Qualified.

Note To Self: Never Take A Pen To A Sword Fight Again. Its Most Definitely Not Mightier.

A Baby Is Born In Africa, What Will Be The Color Of His Teeth? ....Babies Are Born Without TEETH. MORAL ~ Don't Think Like A Genius !!

Knowledge Is Everywhere. You Just Need To Know How To Google It. 

I Like To Stand In Line At The ATM Machine. When People Put In Their PIN, I Scream "GOT IT!" And Run Away

A Funny T Shirt Quote Written At Back Of A Bike Rider's Shirt:If U're Able To See This Sentence Plz Infrm Me Dat My Grlfrnd Hs Fallen Off!

Children In The Dark Cause Accidents, Accidents In The Dark Cause Children