Whenever someone asks me to recommend a movie, I suddenly forget every movie ever made.
My study period = 15 minutes. My break time = 3 hours.
I hope karma slaps you in the face before I do.
Why is that cotton candy talking? Grandma, that's Nicki Minaj.
People say everything happens for a reason. So when I punch you in the face, remember I have a reason.
The One Who Laughs Last Is The Slowest. The One Who Laughs First Has The Dirtiest Mind.
My study period = 15 minutes. My break time = 3 hours.
Making unnecessary sounds when you are bored.
I open a text and mentally respond then forget to actually respond.
Why is that cotton candy talking? Grandma, that's Nicki Minaj.
People say everything happens for a reason. So when I punch you in the face, remember I have a reason.
The One Who Laughs Last Is The Slowest. The One Who Laughs First Has The Dirtiest Mind.
Open
Books, Not Legs. Blow Minds, Not Guys.
I
Keep Seeing All These Summer Bucket Lists With All This Exciting Stuff. Meanwhile,
Mine Is Just Like, Find A Shortcut To The Fridge.
If
My Mom Can't Find It, Nobody Can Find It.
Best
Gamer Pick Up Line: "You Turn My Software Into Hardware."
Friends are like boobs, some are big, some are small, some are real and some are fake.
I
Saw A Sign That Almost Made Me Piss Myself. It Said, "Bathrooms Closed!"
I
Have Good News And Bad News To Tell You. The Bad News? I Have No Good News. And
The Good News? I Have No Bad News.
Do
You Want To Go Out With Me? (A) Yes (B) A (C) B.
Once
Upon A Time I Smashed My Face Into My Keyboard And Accidentally Wrote The 5th Twilight
Book.
Imagine
Having A Teacher Named Alejandro, And Whenever He Calls On You, Just Be Like,
"Don't Call My Name, Don't Call My Name, Alejandro."
F.E.A.R
= Face Everything And Recover Or Forget Everything And Run!
I'm
A Type Of Person Who Laughs At A Joke 3 Times. 1st When It's Told, 2nd When
It's Explained To Me, And 3rd When I Finally Get It!
You
Don't Know Something? Google It. You Don't Know Someone? Facebook It. You Can't
Find Something? Mom!
I
Hate It When I Have So Many Tabs Open, And One Of Them Starts Playing A Talking
Ad That I Can't Find It.
I
Like Your Makeup. Just Kidding. It Looks Like You Got Gangbanged By Crayola.
THE
BIGGEST LIE EVER TOLD; Was When The Doctor Walked In To Mrs. Bieber's Hospital
Room And Said, "Congratulations, It's A Boy"
Dear
Optimist, Pessimist, And Realist. While You Guys Were Arguing About The Cup Of
Water. I Drank It. - The Opportunist
3
Things That Should Never Be Broken; (1) A Heart (2) A Promise And (3) A Condom :D
:D
There
Is Only 1 Perfect Wife In The World. .Every Husband Thinks The Neighbor Has
Her!!
If
You Agree With A Woman When She's Wrong, Congratulations On Being Right And
Wrong At The Same Time
My
Girlfriend Asked Me For Another Word For Incorrect. Of Course, My Answer Was
Wrong :P
I
Think That Every Horoscope Should Read Like This: "Your Day Is Already A
Failure...You Rely On Horoscopes
So
We Can Send Men To The Moon, But We Can't Get A Button That Let's Us Edit A
Typo On A Post After Its Been Sent O.O
Why
Do Women Close Their Eyes During Sex? They Can't Stand Seeing A Man Have A Good
Time!
Why
Must The Phrase, "It Is None Of My Business" Always Be Followed By,
"But"?
Pretending
To Think Hard... When Your Teacher Is Looking At You.
Sex
Without Protection Is Magic. Why? Because The Baby Appears, And The Father
Disappears.
They
Say When U Marry Someone, You Are Also Marrying Their Family. That's What I Told
My Wife When She Caught Me In Bed With Her Sister :P
If
You Can't Change "A" Girl, Don't Worry Just Change "THE" Girl.
:P
I
Am Not SINGLE, I Am ROMANTICALLY CHALLENGED :D
The
Secrets Of Happy Marriage: Tools,Internet Options,Clear History,Delete Files.
What
Is The Similarity Between Wifi & Wife ? Neighbors Have An Eye On Both Of
Them!!
Do
I Look Like A CALENDAR?........ Coz Everyone Ask Me For A DATE!
My
Plan Is Forgive And Forget, Forgive Myself For Being Stupid And Forget You Ever
Existed
Best
Example Of Business Faliure -----------A Pregnant Prostitute..
Girls
Are Always Misunderstood By Boys....Because Of Their Makeup :D
Thepenisinmymouth
.. . . .. . . . . . . . . Did You Read The Pen Is In My Mouth? Lol Dirty Mind!
The
Best Way To End A Status Conversation On Facebook Is To Like Their Last Comment.
Can
You Please Tell Your Boobs To Stop Looking At My Eyes :D
Want
Your Most Favorite Song To Be Your Least Favorite Song, Then Make It Your Alarm
Tone
Only
LOVE Can Remove- Misunderstanding Worries ... Doubts Fear Tears & CLOTHES :P
:P
Life
Without U Is Impossible. U R In My Breath And Blood. I Can`T Spend A Sec
Without You. If U Left Me, I`Ll Die.I Love You Dear, Oxygen.
Advice
To All Girls -- Don't Apply Too Much Make-Up On Your Face....You Don't Know
Where Boys Look First..!!! :P
Boy's
FB Status: 'Online During Class' Comment From His Teacher: 'Turn To Page 75' ;)
Mixed
Emotion: When Your Enemy Falls From The 7th Floor On Your Brand New Ferrari And
You Don't Know Whether To Laugh Or Cry! :P
A
Stage That Surely Comes In Everybody's Life - Where Should I Go? To The Right
Where Nothing Is Left Or To The Left Where Nothing Is Right?
When
You Wait For Your Food In The Restaurant Aren't You The 'Waiter'? :P
Signboard
On Highway : Mr. Late Is Better Than Late Mr.
Mom
Says "Alcohol Is Your Enemy"... Jesus Says "Love Your Enemy"
:D
Sentence
Written On The T-SHIRT Of A Beautiful Girl Walking On Side Of The Road "U
R Not Looking At The Road Right Now.. Be Careful"
SIT
& STUDY..The Above Stunts R Performed By Trained Professionals Under
Controlled Environments. DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME. BE SAFE.
Don't
Trust Money, It Gives Bed But Not Sleep.It Gives Books But Not Mind, It Gives
Luxuries But Not Happiness. So Transfer It To My Account
Friends
Are Like B**BS. Some Are Big, Some Are Small, Some Are REAL, & Some Are
Fake.
You
Can Never Say Exactly WHAT IS ON YOUR MIND If Your Family Members Are On Your
Friend-List.
Whn
Some1 Touches U & U Don't Feel It,Its IGNORANCE. Whn Some1 Touches U & U
Feels It,Its LOVE.Whn No1 Touches U & U Feel It, Its ALLERGY :)
When
I Was A Little Kid I Used To Say "A B C D E F G H I J K ELEMENO
Silence
Doesn't Always Mean YES. Sometimes, Silence Means LOADING.
If
A Girl Cries, There May Be Thousand Reasons. But If A Boy Cries, There Is Only
One Reason: “GIRL”
I'm
Afraid Of 3 Things: Women, Snakes, And The Police. They All Have The Ability To
Hurt Me And Make It Look Like It Was My Fault.
The
Best Prank Call Ever: "Hello KFC?" - " Yes, How Can I Help You
Sir?" . . . . " I Want Mcdonald's Number!!!
Having
A Wife Is Part Of Living" But Maintaining A Girlfriend Along With Your
Wife Is The "ART OF LIVING"
Everyone
Wears Left Shoe At The Last.. Don't Agree With It? ...- - - Proof: When We Wear
1 Shoe, The Other 1 Is Left..
Dad
: Son, What Do You Want For Your Birthday? Son : Not Much Dad, Just A Radio
With A Sports Car Around It
When
Ever You Are Criticized,Don't Get Upset. Always Remember This.... No Stones Are
Thrown On A Fruitless Tree.
I'm
Jealous Of My Parents, I'll Never Have A Kid As Cool As Theirs :)
A
Nice Line Written Below A Clock In A Examination Hall By A Professor.. ,,, 'Time
Will Pass, But Will U ?'
Some
People Come Into Our Lives & Leave Footprint On Our Heart.Others Come Into
Our Lives & Make Us Want To Leave Fingerprint On Their Face.
Diff
B/W Ignorance & Self Control. When U C D Mirror, U Don't Laugh That's
IGNORANCE
When I Look At U,I Also Dont Laugh That's SELF CONTROL.
A
BOY On DATE In BMW Car-I Hide Something From U. GF:What? "I'm Already
Married & Hv A Child." GF: U Scared Me! I Thought The BMW Is Not Urs
Q.What
Did The Left Nut Say To The Right Nut? A. Don't Talk To The Guy In The Middle...
He's A D*Ck!
It's
Better To Bunk A Class Than To Miss A Party With Frnds. Bcoz 2day When I Look
Back. Marks Never Make Me Smile. But Memories Do
When
I Was Younger I Used To Take My Mum Or Dad's Phone To Play Snake ,, We All Did :P
Make
Your Girlfriend Happy By Telling Those 3 Words Every Women Loves To Hear "
Here's My Wallet"
Yesterday
My Girlfriend Came At My Home. She Was Crying And Said To Me Please Consol Me
So I Hit Playstation On Her Head.
I'm
Tired Of Chasing My Dreams, I'm Just Going To Ask Them Where Their Going And
Meet Them There Later.
A
Lady Changed Her #FB
Status To "I Got My Period".. 50 Guys Commented "Thank God"
And 25 Liked Her Update
Dad:
Stop Watching PORN.. I Can Hear The Sound From Inside Room!! Son: No I'm Not, I'm
Watching Sharapova Playing Tennis
Mom:
Son, Can You Please Clean The Fish I Bought From The Market? Son: WTF?! Mom: What
Does WTF Mean? Son: Where’s The Fish?!
A
Girl Was Towelling Her Wet Pussy. She Enjoyed It & Started Rubbing It
Vigoursly Until D Pussy Cried MEOW & Ran Away
If
The World Doesnt End On Dec 21st, 2012, Then There'll Be A Lots Of Babies Born
On Sep 20th, 2013!
If
I Were To Make A Dictionary. CUTE=You - SWEET=You - BEAUTIFUL=You - SEXY=You - GORGEOUS=You
- LIAR=Me!
Teacher:
Make A Sentence Using Neither-Nor. Boy: When Girls Wear Tight Fitting Dresses, Neither
They Are Comfortable Nor We.
Boys
Say ''It's Great'', Boys Say ''It's Fine'', But Nine Months Later They Say
''It's Not Mine''!!.
A
COCKROACH Is Afraid Of RAT, RAT Of CAT, CAT Of DOG, DOG Of MAN, MAN Of
GIRLFRIEND, & Again GIRLFRIEND Is Afraid Of COCKROACH.
Husband,
Throwing Knives On Wife's Photo & Missing The Target. Suddenly He Recvd A
Call Frm His Wife: Hi, What R U Doing? He Repld "MISSIN U"
My
Mom Thinks "LOL" Means "Lots Of Love". She Texted Me,
"Your Grandma Had Just Died. LOL"
When
A Girl Cancels A Date Its Because She Has To. When A Guy Cancels A Date Its
Because He Has TWO!
America
Is A Country Where Half The Money Is Spent In Buying Food And The Other Half Is
Spent To Loose Weight!
Forget
Your Ex. Because No One Wants To Read Yesterdays Newspaper Again.
My
Girlfriend And I Were Happy For EIGHTEEN Years. Then We Met.
I
Told My Wife That, "I Need More Space." So She Locked Me Outside
Why
Is That When There Are Two Girls In A Profile Pic The Hot One Is Always Someone
Else?
I
Recently Applied For Work At A Mirror Shop. I Hope I Get It. I Can Really See
Myself Working There.
Wife
Pulls Her Husband,Who’s Fully Drunk, To Bed & Tries Removing His Shirt &
Husband Replies- LADY, LEAVE ME ALONE, I AM Married
Amy
Winehouse, Kurt Cobain, Jimmi Hendrix, Ian Curtis, Jim Morrison, All Died At 27.
Justin Bieber Turns 27 In 2021. Just Be Patient.
Breaking
News: Idea To Launch 3G Condoms To Control Population Growth
When
I Fight For Love People Call It Rape...
Roses
Are Red. Violets Are Blue. Faces Like Yours Belong In The Zoo. Don’t Be Mad,
I’ll Be There Too. Not In The Cage But Laughing At You
Sometimes,
My Secretary Reminds Me Of My Wife.I Was Unbuttoning Her Shirt During Our Lunch
Break When She Says, "Remember, You Have A Wife."
Every
Mother Thinks That Their Child Is The Most Beautiful, But Only My Mum Is Right!
I'm
Jealous Of My Parents... I'll Never Have A Kid As Cool As Theirs! `
Deleting
Your Facebook Is The New Regaining Your Dignity.
I
Don't Understand How Super Mario Can Smash Blocks With His Head But Dies When
He Touches A Turtle. Wtf
Is
Your Life Boring? Yes? Then Type 'I Love <Ur Bf/Gf Name>' And Send It To
All Your Relatives! Your Life Won't Be Boring Anymore! :P
Your
Password Is Incorrect”; I Changed All My Password To ‘Incorrect’, So My
Computer Just Tells Me When I Forget.....JK
Win
A BLACKBERRY, A CAR, Or A HOUSE In DUBAI...Use A Sharp Object To Scratch Here▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ Please
Do This Now.
When
Aryabhatta Was Checking My Answer Paper.......................................He
Invented 'ZERO' ;-)
Studying
Is As Easy As Walking In A Park And That Park Is Like Jurassic Park!
Great
People Talk About Ideas. Average People Talk About Things. Small People Talk
About Others. Legends Don't Talk, They Blog! ;) :P
So
How Many Of You Are Planning To Ditch Facebook For Google Plus :P
A
Woodcutter Was Passing By A Forest And Suddenly He Saw A Bunch Of Girls
Following Him. The Axe Effect! ;)
Employee
To Manager : If You Don't Increase My Salary Then I'll Tell The Whole Office
That You Have Increased My Salary! :P
Definition
Of A Human Being: A Creature That Cuts Trees,Makes Paper & Writes "Save
Trees" On The Same Paper.
1
Month Before The Exam We Study From National Author's Book. 1 Day Before,Local
Author Book. Exam Day,Do Hell With Others , I AM THE AUTHOR
"No
Comment" Is A Comment. Lols
Money
& Women.They're Two Of The Strongest Things In The World.The Things U Do
For A Woman U Wouldn't Do For Anything Else.Same With Money.
I
Wish My Parents Were Like Google. They Should Understand Me Even Before I
Complete.
Before
You Criticize Someone,Walk A Mile In His Shoes.That Way,You're A Mile Away And
You Have The Shoes.
Exam
Paper Is Like A Dick, When Its Hard, People Get Fucked.!
My
Girl And I Always Joke Around. She'll Ask "What Were You Doing?", Then
We'll Both Laugh And Then I Go Make Sure I Cleared My Web History
Dog:
Why Do U Hide When Having Sex? Cat: Cause We Don't Want Humans To Copy Our
Style, They've Already Copied Yours.
Daughter:
M In Love With Neighbor, So M Running Away With Him. Dad- Thank Dear, U Saved
Money & Time Both. Dad M Reading Dis Letter Left By Mom
Guy:
Do U Lyk Me? Gal:No(Guy Got Sad) Gal: Y R U Sad? Guy: Coz U Dnt Lyk Me. Gal:U
Nvr Askd If I Luv U. Guy:Aww!Do U Luv Me? Gal: LOL NO!!
WTF
Generation... Wikipedia Twitter Facebook
The
Only Difference Between Government And Thieves Is, One Of Them Does It Legally;)))
INSULT
& WIFE Are Somewhat Similar....They Always Look Good...IF IT IS NOT YOURS...
:P
'I
Have Read And Agree To Terms And Conditions' Should Be Called As "I Didn't
Read But I Want To Access This Shit.
I'm
So Good At Sleeping, I Can Do It With My Eyes Closed.
Being
Told That Someone Doesn't Wanna Love U Coz Ur A Good Friend Is Like Being Told
That U Didn't Get D Job Coz Ur Highly Qualified.
Note
To Self: Never Take A Pen To A Sword Fight Again. Its Most Definitely Not
Mightier.
A
Baby Is Born In Africa, What Will Be The Color Of His Teeth? ....Babies Are
Born Without TEETH. MORAL ~ Don't Think Like A Genius !!
Knowledge
Is Everywhere. You Just Need To Know How To Google It.
I
Like To Stand In Line At The ATM Machine. When People Put In Their PIN, I
Scream "GOT IT!" And Run Away
A
Funny T Shirt Quote Written At Back Of A Bike Rider's Shirt:If U're Able To See
This Sentence Plz Infrm Me Dat My Grlfrnd Hs Fallen Off!
Children
In The Dark Cause Accidents, Accidents In The Dark Cause Children
superb collection!! :)
ReplyDeleteAwesome
ReplyDeleteoh this is really a super collection...loved them all!
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