Funny :)

Whenever someone asks me to recommend a movie, I suddenly forget every movie ever made.

My study period = 15 minutes. My break time = 3 hours. 

Making unnecessary sounds when you are bored. 

I open a text and mentally respond then forget to actually respond. 

I hope karma slaps you in the face before I do.

Why is that cotton candy talking? Grandma, that's Nicki Minaj.

People say everything happens for a reason. So when I punch you in the face, remember I have a reason.

The One Who Laughs Last Is The Slowest. The One Who Laughs First Has The Dirtiest Mind.

Open Books, Not Legs. Blow Minds, Not Guys.

I Keep Seeing All These Summer Bucket Lists With All This Exciting Stuff. Meanwhile, Mine Is Just Like, Find A Shortcut To The Fridge.

If My Mom Can't Find It, Nobody Can Find It.

Best Gamer Pick Up Line: "You Turn My Software Into Hardware."

Friends are like boobs, some are big, some are small, some are real and some are fake.

I Saw A Sign That Almost Made Me Piss Myself. It Said, "Bathrooms Closed!"

I Have Good News And Bad News To Tell You. The Bad News? I Have No Good News. And The Good News? I Have No Bad News.

Do You Want To Go Out With Me? (A) Yes (B) A (C) B.

Once Upon A Time I Smashed My Face Into My Keyboard And Accidentally Wrote The 5th Twilight Book.

Imagine Having A Teacher Named Alejandro, And Whenever He Calls On You, Just Be Like, "Don't Call My Name, Don't Call My Name, Alejandro."

F.E.A.R = Face Everything And Recover Or Forget Everything And Run!

I'm A Type Of Person Who Laughs At A Joke 3 Times. 1st When It's Told, 2nd When It's Explained To Me, And 3rd When I Finally Get It!

You Don't Know Something? Google It. You Don't Know Someone? Facebook It. You Can't Find Something? Mom!

I Hate It When I Have So Many Tabs Open, And One Of Them Starts Playing A Talking Ad That I Can't Find It.

I Like Your Makeup. Just Kidding. It Looks Like You Got Gangbanged By Crayola.

THE BIGGEST LIE EVER TOLD; Was When The Doctor Walked In To Mrs. Bieber's Hospital Room And Said, "Congratulations, It's A Boy"

Dear Optimist, Pessimist, And Realist. While You Guys Were Arguing About The Cup Of Water. I Drank It. - The Opportunist

3 Things That Should Never Be Broken; (1) A Heart (2) A Promise And (3) A Condom :D :D

There Is Only 1 Perfect Wife In The World. .Every Husband Thinks The Neighbor Has Her!!

If You Agree With A Woman When She's Wrong, Congratulations On Being Right And Wrong At The Same Time

My Girlfriend Asked Me For Another Word For Incorrect. Of Course, My Answer Was Wrong :P

I Think That Every Horoscope Should Read Like This: "Your Day Is Already A Failure...You Rely On Horoscopes

So We Can Send Men To The Moon, But We Can't Get A Button That Let's Us Edit A Typo On A Post After Its Been Sent O.O

Why Do Women Close Their Eyes During Sex? They Can't Stand Seeing A Man Have A Good Time!

Why Must The Phrase, "It Is None Of My Business" Always Be Followed By, "But"?

Pretending To Think Hard... When Your Teacher Is Looking At You.

Sex Without Protection Is Magic. Why? Because The Baby Appears, And The Father Disappears.

They Say When U Marry Someone, You Are Also Marrying Their Family. That's What I Told My Wife When She Caught Me In Bed With Her Sister :P

If You Can't Change "A" Girl, Don't Worry Just Change "THE" Girl. :P

I Am Not SINGLE, I Am ROMANTICALLY CHALLENGED :D

The Secrets Of Happy Marriage: Tools,Internet Options,Clear History,Delete Files.

What Is The Similarity Between Wifi & Wife ? Neighbors Have An Eye On Both Of Them!!

Do I Look Like A CALENDAR?........ Coz Everyone Ask Me For A DATE!

My Plan Is Forgive And Forget, Forgive Myself For Being Stupid And Forget You Ever Existed

Best Example Of Business Faliure -----------A Pregnant Prostitute..

Girls Are Always Misunderstood By Boys....Because Of Their Makeup :D