Funny :)

Whenever someone asks me to recommend a movie, I suddenly forget every movie ever made.

My study period = 15 minutes. My break time = 3 hours. 

Making unnecessary sounds when you are bored. 

I open a text and mentally respond then forget to actually respond. 

I hope karma slaps you in the face before I do.

Why is that cotton candy talking? Grandma, that's Nicki Minaj.

People say everything happens for a reason. So when I punch you in the face, remember I have a reason.

The One Who Laughs Last Is The Slowest. The One Who Laughs First Has The Dirtiest Mind.

Open Books, Not Legs. Blow Minds, Not Guys.

I Keep Seeing All These Summer Bucket Lists With All This Exciting Stuff. Meanwhile, Mine Is Just Like, Find A Shortcut To The Fridge.

If My Mom Can't Find It, Nobody Can Find It.

Best Gamer Pick Up Line: "You Turn My Software Into Hardware."

Friends are like boobs, some are big, some are small, some are real and some are fake.

I Saw A Sign That Almost Made Me Piss Myself. It Said, "Bathrooms Closed!"

I Have Good News And Bad News To Tell You. The Bad News? I Have No Good News. And The Good News? I Have No Bad News.

Do You Want To Go Out With Me? (A) Yes (B) A (C) B.

Once Upon A Time I Smashed My Face Into My Keyboard And Accidentally Wrote The 5th Twilight Book.

Imagine Having A Teacher Named Alejandro, And Whenever He Calls On You, Just Be Like, "Don't Call My Name, Don't Call My Name, Alejandro."

F.E.A.R = Face Everything And Recover Or Forget Everything And Run!

I'm A Type Of Person Who Laughs At A Joke 3 Times. 1st When It's Told, 2nd When It's Explained To Me, And 3rd When I Finally Get It!

You Don't Know Something? Google It. You Don't Know Someone? Facebook It. You Can't Find Something? Mom!

I Hate It When I Have So Many Tabs Open, And One Of Them Starts Playing A Talking Ad That I Can't Find It.

I Like Your Makeup. Just Kidding. It Looks Like You Got Gangbanged By Crayola.

THE BIGGEST LIE EVER TOLD; Was When The Doctor Walked In To Mrs. Bieber's Hospital Room And Said, "Congratulations, It's A Boy"

Dear Optimist, Pessimist, And Realist. While You Guys Were Arguing About The Cup Of Water. I Drank It. - The Opportunist

3 Things That Should Never Be Broken; (1) A Heart (2) A Promise And (3) A Condom :D :D

There Is Only 1 Perfect Wife In The World. .Every Husband Thinks The Neighbor Has Her!!

If You Agree With A Woman When She's Wrong, Congratulations On Being Right And Wrong At The Same Time

My Girlfriend Asked Me For Another Word For Incorrect. Of Course, My Answer Was Wrong :P

I Think That Every Horoscope Should Read Like This: "Your Day Is Already A Failure...You Rely On Horoscopes

So We Can Send Men To The Moon, But We Can't Get A Button That Let's Us Edit A Typo On A Post After Its Been Sent O.O

Why Do Women Close Their Eyes During Sex? They Can't Stand Seeing A Man Have A Good Time!

Why Must The Phrase, "It Is None Of My Business" Always Be Followed By, "But"?

Pretending To Think Hard... When Your Teacher Is Looking At You.

Sex Without Protection Is Magic. Why? Because The Baby Appears, And The Father Disappears.

They Say When U Marry Someone, You Are Also Marrying Their Family. That's What I Told My Wife When She Caught Me In Bed With Her Sister :P

If You Can't Change "A" Girl, Don't Worry Just Change "THE" Girl. :P

I Am Not SINGLE, I Am ROMANTICALLY CHALLENGED :D

The Secrets Of Happy Marriage: Tools,Internet Options,Clear History,Delete Files.

What Is The Similarity Between Wifi & Wife ? Neighbors Have An Eye On Both Of Them!!

Do I Look Like A CALENDAR?........ Coz Everyone Ask Me For A DATE!

My Plan Is Forgive And Forget, Forgive Myself For Being Stupid And Forget You Ever Existed

Best Example Of Business Faliure -----------A Pregnant Prostitute..

Girls Are Always Misunderstood By Boys....Because Of Their Makeup :D

21 Very Important Things To Remember! :)

1. No One Can Ruin Your Day Without YOUR Permission.

2. Most People Will Be About As Happy, As They Decide To Be

3. Others Can Stop You Temporarily, But Only You Can Do It Permanently.

4. Whatever You Are Willing To Put Up With, Is Exactly What You Will Have.

5. Success Stops When You Do.

6. When Your Ship Comes In.... Make Sure You Are Willing To Unload It.

7. You Will Never Have It All Together.

8. Life Is A Journey...Not A Destination. Enjoy The Trip!

9. The Biggest Lie On The Planet When I Get What I Want I Will Be Happy.

10. The Best Way To Escape Your Problem Is To Solve It.

11. I've Learned That Ultimately , 'Takers' Lose And 'Givers' Win.

12. Life's Precious Moments Don't Have Value, Unless They Are Shared.

13. If You Don't Start, It's Certain You Won't Arrive.

14. We Often Fear The Thing We Want The Most.

15. He Or She Who Laughs......Lasts.

16. Yesterday Was The Deadline For All Complaints.

17. Look For Opportunities.. Not Guarantees.

18. Life Is What's Coming....Not What Was.

19. Success Is Getting Up One More Time

20. Now Is The Most Interesting Time Of All.

21. When Things Go Wrong.....Don't Go With Them.

99 Facts About Guys :)

1. Guys Prefer Neat And Presentable Girls.

2. Guys Love Flirts.

3. A Guy Can Like You For A Minute, And Then Forget You Afterwards.

4. When A Guy Says He Doesn’t Understand You, It Simply Means You’re Not Thinking The Way He Is.

5. “Are You Doing Something?” Or “Have You Eaten Already?” Are The First Usual Questions A Guy Asks On The Phone Just To Get Out From Stammering.

6. Guys May Be Flirting Around All Day But Before They Go To Sleep, They Always Think About The Girl They Truly Care About.

7. When A Guy Really Likes You, He’ll Disregard All Your Bad Characteristics.

8. Guys Love A Girl’s Smile.

9. Guys Will Do Anything Just To Get The Girl’s Attention.

10. Guys Hate It When You Talk About Your Ex-Boyfriend.

11. When Guys Want To Meet Your Parents. Let Them.

12. Guys Want To Tell You Many Things But They Can’t. And They Sure Have One Habit To Gain Courage And Spirit To Tell You Many Things And It Is Drinking!

13. Guys Cry!!!!!!!!

14. Don’t Provoke The Guy To Heat Up. Believe Me. He Will.

10 Reasons To Never Give Up :)

1. As Long As You Are Alive, Anything Is Possible. The Only Valid Excuse You Have To Give Up Is If You Are Dead. As Long As You Are Alive (And Healthy And Free) You Have The Choice To Keep Trying Until You Finally Succeed.

2. Be Realistic. The Chance Of Mastering Something The First Time You Do It Is Almost Non-Existent. Everything Takes Time To Learn And You Will Mak E Mistakes. Learn From Them.

3. You Are Strong. You Are Stronger Than You Think. One Little Setback Is Not Enough To Stop You From Achieving Your Goals. Neither Are 10 Or 100 Or 1000 Setbacks.

4. Prove Yourself. You Don’t Want To Be Known As Someone That Is Weak And Gives Up. Go Out There And Prove Yourself To The World And To Yourself. You CAN And WILL Achieve What You Set Out To Do. The Only Time You Fail Is When You Give Up.

5. Believe In Your Dreams. Don’t Sell Yourself Short. In Life There Are Going To Be Many People Who Will Try To Bring You Down And Tell You What You Want To Achieve Is Not Possible.

6. Your Family And Friends. Let The People You Love And Who Mean The World To You Be Your Inspiration To Persist And Perseverae. Maybe You Need To Try A Different Angle, Study More Or Practice More But Don’t Give Up!

7. There Are People Worse-Off. Right Now There Are Many People Who Are In A Worse Situation And Environment Than You Are. Are You Thinking About Giving Up Running 5 Miles A Week? Think About The People Who Are Unable To Even Walk And How Much They Would Give To Be Able To Run 5 Miles Every Day.

8. You Deserve To Be Happy. Don’t Ever Let Anybody Tell You Otherwise. You Deserve To Be Happy And You Deserve To Have Success. Keep That Mindset And Never Give Up Until You Reach Your Destination!

9. Inspire Others. Be An Inspiration To Others By Refusing To Give Up. Who Knows What Someone Else Can Achieve Because You Never Gave Up And In Turn Inspired Them Not To Give Up.

10. You Are So Close. Often When You Feel Like You Want To Give Up You Are So Close To Making A Huge Breakthrough. You Are Just A Heartbeat Away From Success.